“A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.”

poles
  • 07.04.10
  • 3

"when i tell you i love you i mean it im not saying bs things just to pull a fast one on ya. i dont abuse the meaning of i love you like others do. so believe me when i say it. cause i mean it"

poles
  • 07.03.10

"i shouldn’t deserve these emotions that eating me alive."

poles
  • 07.03.10

Depression

deeenfasho:

wordsoflove: -xobigcitydreams:500daysofshutthefuckup-:samifuxkingam:fire-and-dreams:

I’ve heard so many people tell those who suffer depression to just ‘cheer up.’ I wonder if they can really believe that it’s that simple.

Depression isn’t just sadness. It is emptiness, it is misery. It is pain and nothingness at once. When you are truly depressed you lack the ability or will to cheer yourself up. No one just ‘has depression.’ You suffer from it. This is depression:

You will wake at 5, 6, maybe 7am, feeling as though you had only just fallen asleep. It’s likely you did. If you don’t have to be somewhere, you could lie in bed for another 3 hours…too tired, too miserable and pathetic to crawl out of you bed. Or maybe you will sleep until 1pm, because it’s so much easier to sleep through most of the day than actually live it, and you’re so unbelievably tired anyway. You will push through the day, knowing that every hour will be a struggle and not knowing how you will feel tomorrow. People will ask what is wrong, and you will simply smile and say ‘nothing, I’m just tired.’ Yes you are tired. You are so tired of drifting through every day, with no will to actually live. But you simply smile, and they’ll believe you. It’s so much easier to lie anyway, and most of the time you can push away the guilt.  Sometimes you might find a way out, temporary as it may be. You might write or draw or sing. Or you might cut, burn, binge, purge, drink, starve, scratch, pull, overdose…anything to take your mind away from the utter misery it seems to be so obsessed with. What you don’t know is that soon these acts will take over your thoughts. You will spend your days not only lost in the haze of depression, but your mind will be so consumed with these thoughts of escaping and self destruction that you think you could explode. You will see a series of lines, and think of the lovely scars you could make, where you will make them. Your mind will be permanently spinning with thoughts of this pain, and different ways you might destroy yourself or, more precisely, this monster inside you. But of course none of this will work. You will still spend your night alone, sitting and staring at nothing, completing mindless tasks as if they have some importance, as if you are really there. Be careful where you let your mind wander. Night time is the darkest time in depression. That’s when all the demons come out, when you become weaker. It is when you will hurt yourself simply to make the urges stop for 5 minutes. It is when you will spend hours crying or screaming for no reason other than the agony inside. You will shake and feel as though your whole body will cave in or explode. No one will understand. You do not have hospital beds, drips, bandages or needles to make people worry. To make them realize that this sad little girl is actually sick and needs help. Of course the depression will have destroyed any self esteem you might have had, so you’ll be too scared to ask for the help you need. You just go on, hoping someone will notice your slow, meticulous self-destruction. Don’t worry, it won’t always be so bad. Some days you might even feel stable. You might walk tall for one day, feeling a glint of hope that maybe one day things will get better, that things are getting better and you have the strength to fight. Then one small thing will go wrong, and you’ll fall apart all over again. You feel stupid for even considering that things could get better.

Have you ever felt as though your whole body could just crumble any minute? Just crumble and fall apart, like it’s lost anything it had holding it together. That’s what it feel like all the time to be depressed. That raw fragility. It feels as though the smallest disruption in our life, or in your head, or in the world, could send everything spiraling downwards. And it can. The tiniest mistake can cause you to hate yourself more than you could possibly imagine. The smallest crack in your world can make it all seem pointless.
Depression destroys any resources you have. Any strength or courage you kept stored away for emergencies. So if the tiniest little storm hits, you are left to trying to survive the ravages of a cyclone without a life boat. It wears you down and even the smallest crack can seem like an earthquake and every minute is spent waiting for the next shake. And then one day, you will find yourself curled up on your bedroom floor, sobbing, because you can’t find anything to wear. Every little thing is just more proof of how worthless you are.

Eventually, you begin to expect it. You anticipate the bad times, because you know the good times are just fooling you. And they are filled with fear and anxiety over when everything will come crashing down again. You are always waiting for the next breakdown. You’ve become so accustomed to feeling miserable, that happiness is a foreign feeling that you won’t even let yourself experience. You don’t deserve it. So you become numb, which at times, is worse than the full-blown screaming and crying depressive ‘episodes.’ You find yourself begging to hurt again, because any feeling is better than feeling nothing at all.

Depression is one of the cruelest of all illnesses. You see, it’s much easier to fight when you can see an end to it all. When you know that in the end you will either win or lose. But whatever the outcome, the war will be over. The thing about depression is it blurs your perception of the future and makes it near impossible to see that end. You start to think that there’s no such thing as ‘winning’ and why bother fighting if you already know the outcome. It gradually strips you of any hope you previously had. And without hope, it’s difficult to see a future or a reason to fight.

- By pixijane

This is one of the most accurate descriptions of depression I have ever come across. It’s so real.

poles
  • 07.03.10

It cant ever be can it?

your just to far from my grasp aren’t you.

i try so hard to communicate wit you but you act like its nothing.

but i guess talking to you is at least something..

your such a sweet heart but we can never be..

i guess im falling for someone that’s not meant for me.

im on the sidelines cheering for you to help you enjoy life..

i guess im yur number one fan on the side..

if we cant never be together at least thing i can do.

is make you smile and look forward to whatever in the way.

help you climb over the things stressin your day..

i may not be the best guy to talk to about problems.

but i talk to you about mines cause your something..to me..

if i keep on running from these things

or try to ignore all the stuff i seen..

and all the stuff we talk about i just keep telling myself..

its alright maybe she’ll like me later on.

but nah i guess i was wrong.

they tell the truth when they say

the best time in your life..

is in your dreams….all in the mind…only time it comes true..

if we cant ever be together at least tell me something…

do you still got feelings for me or is it nothing..

poles
  • 07.03.10

I actually respect the words “I love you”

deeenfasho:

Unlike the millions of other people in the world who constantly use it as if it were an everyday term. I actually cherish the meaning of it, so when I say it to some I do love, I know I mean it 100%. Love isn’t a word I want to throw around because it leads people on and leads to heartache. So, please understand that I’m not trying to be mean when I don’t say it back. I just want to make sure I do love you. You should do the same

(via aybaybayitslouie)

poles
  • 07.03.10

TAG, YOU’RE IT: deeenfasho,youhadmegoing,nuleethealien,ayeejohnizzle,itsbrittaneybitch,melovesjek,jayhunnyyy

vbay:

hellamikey:

A - List 7 habits/quirks/facts

B - Tag 7 people to do the same

C - Don’t tag the person who tagged you, or tag “Whoever wants to do it”

1. I LOVE listening to music. music touches the soul like no other.

2. Im a cheesy guy with lameass pickuplines. aha! for example.  does you smile always look this cute or is it just me? ;D

3. I care to much that i put myself last.

4. I lived a very intriguing life.

5. I love singing. but its not for me. i suck. taha

6. I have a lip ring and my mommy hates it. aha!

7. Sucks being the guy on the sidelines. watching your number one making mistakes.

poles
  • 07.03.10

If I Had One Wish

deeenfasho:

  • We would be bestfriends
  • Love would never end
  • It would just begin
  • You would be my boo
  • Promise to love you
  • Trust me I trust you
  • We would run away
  • Making love all day
  • Have us a baby
  • I’d make you my whole life
  • And you’d be my wife
  • Make it right this time

THAT’S MORE THAN ONE WISH.

(via jaylomboy)

poles
  • 07.02.10
  • 340
this is my lil buddie right here….

this is my lil buddie right here….

poles
  • 07.02.10

"Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?"

poles
  • 07.01.10
sexy! <3

sexy! <3

poles
  • 06.30.10

"Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?"

poles
  • 06.30.10

"I Heard That Hershey’s Factories Make Like A Million Kisses A Day. But Listen…I’m Only Asking For One… ;D"

poles
  • 06.30.10
poles
  • 06.30.10

""you can be the happiness to my day baby " ;]"

poles
  • 06.30.10